S U R G E R Y : PT III

One year ago yesterday, I landed at my first ministry site on the World Race. I had no idea what the journey would be like. No idea on what to expect or who J would start forming me to be. No idea of how close the squad would get, or my team would be.

Leaving for the Race, I had everything stripped away. Which was terrifying, weird, and very much freeing at the same time. I wasn’t a graphic designer. I wasn’t a resident of Manhattan. I wasn’t a regular at Bluestem. I wasn’t a YoungLife leader. I wasn’t a barista (some of the squad might argue that one). I was just me.

I had surgery on my identity. God had to pull a lot away from me. I needed to learn who I was. Needed to learn who I was called to be. I had to learn my giftings. He had to speak through five teammates a lot that month.

Many tears dropped in the Philippines. For a number of reasons. Sure, there was the identity and being away from home, being away from unfamiliar things. But there was the culture shock. There was seeing real poverty. There was seeing families of 5+ living in small tin shacks. Kids running barefooted through dirt streets that turned into mud when it rained. But those kids, those families–they wore the biggest smiles. They laughed the hardest. Their eyes were the brightest, sparkling in the midst of what we see as a hard life.

Looking back and reflecting on this month last year, surgery is the only word that seems to come to mind. I don’t know how else to describe the month. It all seems fitting. This month was the beginning of the journey that ripped my heart clean open. And it had to happen before the rest. I’m glad it did.

Team XOXO: I hope you know that you were my family that month. You were the ones at my side in the hospital bed after surgery. God used you as comfort, but also as medicine. You were my church that month, and a few months after. And in so many ways, you still are. Even miles apart.

SAV: You are brave and bold. Your confidence can’t be shaken, because you fully find yourself in the Lord. You are determined and a goal-digger. You’ll raise up the next generation, empowering and encouraging them to always chase their dreams (so long as they align with God’s will for them). You’re an empowering leader. And we need more like you.

STACY: You are gentle and kind, and your words have power. You pray powerful prayers, and you aren’t afraid of praying for big things. You’re a servant to people around you, and you care for people incredibly well. People see Jesus in you because of how you lay down your own wants to serve.

CAITLIN: You are meek. Meek doesn’t mean weak. Meek is like a police dog who is trained. They don’t attack until they’re commanded to. You speak truth into people like that. You’re gentle and kind, but you’re not afraid to speak the truth. You’re a hard worker and you have a really compassionate heart.

RIS: You’re one of the most authentic people I’ve ever known. When people are around you, walls come down, and they’re able to be fully themselves because you’re fully yourself, and you invite others in to do the same. Jesus uses you to allow others to live authentically. You make people know they’re loved.

STEPH: When we left for the Race, I took you up as a little sister. You deconstruct things, you analyze them, and pull them apart in a good way. You want to know the ‘why’ behind things. You have a heart for seeing justice. You have a heart that wants to see everyone safe. You want the best for people, and you have righteous anger when you don’t see it. You’re a good leader.

To the people who have these people in their lives: you’re blessed. They’re powerful women and God uses them to bless everyone they’re around. Love them well. They helped me through a painful but necessary surgery. They’ll help you do the same.