the twisties.

As we all know, Simone Biles withdrew from competing last week in several events due to something called ‘the twisties.’

The twisties in gymnastics is when your mind can’t comprehend where you are in the air to get through all of the twists safely. Biles said this in an instagram post:

“literally can not tell up from down.”

“It’s the craziest feeling ever.”

For the past month, due to a lot of life circumstances, spiritual warfare, and just a lot happening, including a move to a new home (still in Manhattan), I find myself having the ‘twisties’ emotionally and mentally.

Things that used to be so easy for me to do are draining and I feel that I’m not performing well in any arena of life. I don’t mean ‘performing’ as in putting a mask on and acting like someone I’m not. Performing as in, “the action or process of carrying out or accomplishing an action, task, or function.” It’s hard to tell up from down.

I’ll have a mountain top moment one morning, and by the time I lay down to go to sleep, I’m in tears. Lies about who I am rushing in. I do my best to be in the Word and have truth to be spoken over them, but right now, it feels like Satan and his demons are using both my brain and heart as punching bags.

Its been extremely difficult, as I’m usually someone who is about to pour into others so well. I love people deeply. I haven’t been able to be there for my friends. I’m finding it hard to communicate to friends what I want/need.

I’m not someone who lacks words and communication, but right now I do.

And maybe in a week, I’ll come back and win an Olympic medal like Biles. But right now that remains to be seen.

I’m trying to fight it. But the difficulty is as real as when I found myself in spiritual warfare in Panama, now two years ago.

If you’re reading this, please say a prayer, drop some encouragement, say another prayer. I know over time, I’ll get through this, but right now, I’m very much in the thick of it.